Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half-brother.”

So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, “There’s trouble still.

“You cannot marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell yo’ mother.
But Will and Joe, and several mo’
I know is yo’ half-brother.”

Susie Lee’s po’ heart was broke
From running out of men
She’d hesitate to take a mate
If they were all half-kin.

There was no boy that she could find
Without that fatal flaw.
She had no clue what she could do,
So, Susie told her Ma.

But Ma just laughed and said, “My child,
Just do what makes yo’ happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe…
You ain’t no kin to Pappy.”

The wife, after sleeping soundly for an hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go on to the party. Because her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she’d have some fun by watching to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband’s costume in the crowd. She could hardly believe her eyes — the man was cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. So she decided to get a little revenge. She sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive woman herself, persuaded him to leave his current partner in favor of the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wanted, since she really wanted the goods on him. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars where they “enjoyed themselves.” Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, ready to hammer him for whatever explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

“You know, I actually didn’t even dance a single dance,” he replied. “When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you, I loaned my costume to your brother, and he said he had a blast!”

One day, they sent us out to a “personality clinic” to have our personality types assessed and identify any potential character flaws.

When we finally got finished, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.

“That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,’” he said. “And based on that, considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d hand me a bill for $798,000.”

They had pretty much nailed down the details on how much insurance she and her husband would need, how long they’d need it, and so forth.

Finally, Jill asked, “Suppose I only sign up for insurance on my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?”

The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, “Probably 20 to life.”

She had swallowed her dog’s heart worm pill by mistake. I knew it wouldn’t harm her, but by law, I’m forbidden to give medical advice.

“If your dog had swallowed your pill, then you’d call me,” I explained. “In this case, you really should consult with your own physician.”

“But it’s one in the morning!” she exclaimed. “I can’t wake my doctor.”

“You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, “Oh, thank you so much! You know, you’re kinda cute yourself.”

The next day I was with a different group, and the same woman drove up in the cart. “Watch this,” I whispered to my friends.

I walked up to her and said, “Wow, you’re in great shape! You must work out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “You should try it yourself.”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have asthma or laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Uh… doin’ just fine. ”

And the other person says: “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “Well… Pretty much the same as you. Just traveling.”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them “No… I’m a little busy right now!”

Then I hear the person say nervously, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.”

They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good.

After several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’ve been out here all day and haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing the dog high enough.”