A Redneck Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all,
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half-brother.”
Halloween Party Surprise
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested. But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for an hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go on to the party. Because her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she’d have some fun by watching to see how he acted when she was not with him.
Categories: Marriage, Romance & Intimacy Tags:
The Personality Assessment
The place I work occasionally requires us to go out to get various types of training.
One day, they sent us out to a “personality clinic” to have our personality types assessed and identify any potential character flaws.
Categories: Marriage, Office Humor Tags: bill, myers-briggs, personality test
A New Life Insurance Policy
Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency.
They had pretty much nailed down the details on how much insurance she and her husband would need, how long they’d need it, and so forth.
Categories: Marriage Tags:
The Beverage Cart Driver
Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her,
“You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”
Categories: Drinking / Alcohol, Golf, Men & Women Tags: compliment, drinking, excercise
Men’s Advice to Women on Gift Buying
Men’s Advice to Women on Buying Us Gifts
1. If you are really, really broke, buy us anything for the car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from the rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy us anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” No one knows why.
Categories: Men & Women Tags: advice, big screen, chainsaw, danger, drill, gifts, label, ladder, ratchet, socket
The Irish Drinking Buddies
Two elderly Irish drinking buddies, O’Shea and O’Donnell, are sitting at the pub musing on the end of life.
O’Donnell remarks, “Ye know, O’Shea, we’ve had great sport together for many years. It just came to moind that should it be I who happens to go first, it’d mean a great deal to me if ye’d say a few koind words at me grave.”
Categories: Drinking / Alcohol, Old Age Tags: death, grave, irish
A Foolproof Method for Remembering Anniversaries
Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
Categories: Men & Women Tags: anniversary, birthday, computer
Paying the Pastor
Tom was getting married, but his wife wasn’t exactly Angelina Jolie. In fact, she was about as far from that as it was possible to be. Then again, Tom was no Brad Pitt himself.
After the wedding ceremony, Tom asked the pastor how much the cost was.
Categories: Church / Religion, Marriage Tags: pastor, wedding
To the Kids of the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s…
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate bleu cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.