The wife, after sleeping soundly for an hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go on to the party. Because her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she’d have some fun by watching to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband’s costume in the crowd. She could hardly believe her eyes — the man was cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. So she decided to get a little revenge. She sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive woman herself, persuaded him to leave his current partner in favor of the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wanted, since she really wanted the goods on him. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars where they “enjoyed themselves.” Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, ready to hammer him for whatever explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

“You know, I actually didn’t even dance a single dance,” he replied. “When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you, I loaned my costume to your brother, and he said he had a blast!”

The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. “The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight. He’s like a machine!”

“Wow,” said Banker Bill, “what did the vet do to that bull?”

“Just gave him some pills,” replied the farmer.

“What kind of pills?” asked Banker Bill.

“I don’t know, but they kind of taste like peppermint.”

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss the gorilla.”

“Second, you must never tell anyone about this.”

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

Ed stated, “You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks.”

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: And then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Hmmm

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in… and… well, some things you just can’t explain.

The two men watched as the ladies hit their shots, carried on animated conversations and taking their own sweet time to finish play totally ignoring the twosome behind them. The more they watched, the more frustrated and angry the two men became as their round was slowed to a snail’s pace.

Finally one of the men said, “I’m going to drive up to those ladies, give them a piece of my mind and tell them they better let us play through or else!”

As his companion watched, the first man drove up the cart path got about half the way to the ladies, abruptly turned around and returned to the tee.

The second golfer asked, “What did they say?”

The first said, “I couldn’t say anything. As I got closer I realized that one of the ladies is my wife and the other is my mistress.”

“That’s OK, I’ll go talk to them,” replied the second man as he jumped into the cart and headed toward the women.

Suddenly he too made a U-turn and headed back to his playing partner.

As he approached the tee he said, “Small world, isn’t it!”

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

He replied, “I found the remote”