The wife, after sleeping soundly for an hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go on to the party. Because her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she’d have some fun by watching to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband’s costume in the crowd. She could hardly believe her eyes — the man was cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. So she decided to get a little revenge. She sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive woman herself, persuaded him to leave his current partner in favor of the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wanted, since she really wanted the goods on him. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars where they “enjoyed themselves.” Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, ready to hammer him for whatever explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

“You know, I actually didn’t even dance a single dance,” he replied. “When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you, I loaned my costume to your brother, and he said he had a blast!”

“You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, “Oh, thank you so much! You know, you’re kinda cute yourself.”

The next day I was with a different group, and the same woman drove up in the cart. “Watch this,” I whispered to my friends.

I walked up to her and said, “Wow, you’re in great shape! You must work out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “You should try it yourself.”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have asthma or laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Uh… doin’ just fine. ”

And the other person says: “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “Well… Pretty much the same as you. Just traveling.”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them “No… I’m a little busy right now!”

Then I hear the person say nervously, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.”

They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good.

After several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’ve been out here all day and haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing the dog high enough.”

The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. “The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight. He’s like a machine!”

“Wow,” said Banker Bill, “what did the vet do to that bull?”

“Just gave him some pills,” replied the farmer.

“What kind of pills?” asked Banker Bill.

“I don’t know, but they kind of taste like peppermint.”

O’Donnell remarks, “Ye know, O’Shea, we’ve had great sport together for many years. It just came to moind that should it be I who happens to go first, it’d mean a great deal to me if ye’d say a few koind words at me grave.”

“That I’ll do, O’Donnell, that I’ll do,” O’Shea replied. “But should it be I who happens to go first, I’d be forever grateful if ye’d pour a bottle of foine Irish whiskey o’er me grave for old times sake.”

“That I’ll do, O’Shea,” said O’Donnell. “That I’ll do… but would ye mind it too very much if it should happen to pass through me kidneys first?”

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss the gorilla.”

“Second, you must never tell anyone about this.”

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

Ed stated, “You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks.”

After the wedding ceremony, Tom asked the pastor how much the cost was.

“Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife,” replied the Reverend.

Tom looked at his wife, and handed the pastor $50.

The pastor looked at Tom’s wife and gave him $45 change.

When asked by the Grand Jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he ran away, she replied under oath: “Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click.”

She was acquitted.