Halloween Party Surprise
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested. But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for an hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go on to the party. Because her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she’d have some fun by watching to see how he acted when she was not with him.
Categories: Marriage, Romance & Intimacy Tags:
The Beverage Cart Driver
Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her,
“You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”
Categories: Drinking / Alcohol, Golf, Men & Women Tags: compliment, drinking, excercise
Ordering Ice Cream
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”
“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
Categories: Food / Eating Tags: asthma, flavor, ice cream
A Little Too Friendly in the Bathroom
Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bathroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”
Categories: Bathroom Tags: conversation, rest stop, restroom
Duck Hunting for Dummies
Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good.
Categories: Hunting / Fishing / Guns Tags: dog, duck
The Farmer’s New Bull
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.
Categories: Farming, Romance & Intimacy Tags: bull, pills, veterinarian
The Irish Drinking Buddies
Two elderly Irish drinking buddies, O’Shea and O’Donnell, are sitting at the pub musing on the end of life.
O’Donnell remarks, “Ye know, O’Shea, we’ve had great sport together for many years. It just came to moind that should it be I who happens to go first, it’d mean a great deal to me if ye’d say a few koind words at me grave.”
Categories: Drinking / Alcohol, Old Age Tags: death, grave, irish
The Amorous Gorilla
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very… “amorous,” and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of her species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
Categories: Rednecks, Romance & Intimacy Tags: animal, gorilla, veterinarian, zoo
Paying the Pastor
Tom was getting married, but his wife wasn’t exactly Angelina Jolie. In fact, she was about as far from that as it was possible to be. Then again, Tom was no Brad Pitt himself.
After the wedding ceremony, Tom asked the pastor how much the cost was.
Categories: Church / Religion, Marriage Tags: pastor, wedding
The Purse Snatcher
A woman was called in front of a Texas Grand Jury for manslaughter after she shot a mugger six times in the back as he was running away with her purse. When he grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it so she was left with the revolver in her hand.
Categories: Hunting / Fishing / Guns, Lawyers Tags: gun, mugger, purse